Saturday, 4 August 2012

10 Ways to Start Being a Cynical Marketeer Today

It's inauguration day for my career as a cynical-slash-sceptical marketeer (a marketeer is so much cooler that a plain ol' marketer. We get swords) and I'm setting out with just a blog idea and a smile.

Let's go through the first steps:

1). Read my daily allowance of advice, mandates, and supplications. Apparently I must 'believe in myself'. Spend ten minutes debating the existence of me before decidng that given the physical evidence in the mirror, I am a believer in me.

2). Envy people for being so much better than me. It's a good envy though - I've nurtured it through the years so now it's big and strong.

3). Wonder if I too can do what they have done.

4). Read blog headline that tells me 'You too can do what I have done!' Am now convinced.

5). Read different blog headline: '10 Reasons You'll Fail as a Blogger!' Am now convinced.

6). Go get something to eat. Look in fridge: ketchup and bit of old cauliflower for lunch again. Decide to try to set up a money-making blog after all.

7). Sign-up for Blogger. Experts suggest I will regret not getting self-hosted Wordpress. Feel regret, but also feel that hosting companies will probably not accept collection of train track-flattened pennies as payment.

8). Think of topic. It must be niche, but not too niche. Take a moment to wonder when niche became an adjective, then consider where my passion lies. Come up with napping, TV, and food. Take nap, then decide to just go with crafting. I don't want to brag, but I wielded a mean crayon as a kid.

9). Think of cool, hip blog name that will catch the admiration of readers everywhere. In absence of clever pun, choose to go with aliteration. Aliteration always attracts applauding audiences. Also, alligators.

10). Shut down internet and play Crusher on Swagbucks. Realise that this is one of those times to use an affiliate link, since I think Crusher is one of the most addictive casual games ever and highly recommend it. Quickly edit it into post seamlessly.

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